Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
