We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
