I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
