like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
