Don't you send me to vm
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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