i think my tv is drunk
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
