Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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