last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
