toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
