I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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