My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
