You just made me feel so damn special
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize