before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
