Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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