I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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