I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
