Is it normal to miss your booty call?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize