I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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