We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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