after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
