dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
