You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
