I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
