Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
