he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
