I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
