and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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