so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
