I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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