Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
