Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
