This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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