I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
