all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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