Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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