Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
