She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
