I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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