I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
