I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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