I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
