don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
