Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
