my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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