Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
