And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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