Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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