Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
