I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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