Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
