Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
