Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
