he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
