i wish semen tasted like chocolate
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
