I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
