The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
