i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't think brook has ever known best
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just want nice things and good sex
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
