Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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