just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
