just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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