We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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