I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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