Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize