What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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