I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
