you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I need to sanitize my soul.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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