reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
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I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
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We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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