I just saw a hot homeless man
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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