it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
