You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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