There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
