is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
