what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
