The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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