Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
