You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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