New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
