I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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