K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
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