I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
ttyl tear gas
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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