i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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