We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
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So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
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So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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