I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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