I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
