There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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