my vag is so smooth its legendary
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
