Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
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i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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