I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
