who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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